i mean in the house not that it matters i dont need any1 in the house its just i like u better than some asshole who fucks my shit up all the time n looks at me like a charity case
it's a strange feeling, the odd chesty battle between concern and inexpressible hilarity ]
you couldnt
[ there's a pause, a stretched beat, because what she wants to say she's not sure she should (it sounds too intimate, too hopeless, but it also doesn't make sense in other terms given everything she means, all the different fears she's covering, all the swallowed-down nuances...) so she bites the bullet, types it out, lets it go ]
just dont leave me and you couldnt
[ one day he will, she knows. fuck her up, leave her (in one way or another: disgusted or disappeared or hurt, whatever it is that severs them), they're one and the same.
but until that day, she's safe as houses. pristine identical houses with mismatched insides, where damage is regenerated when the clock strikes twelve. ]
[and he knows he'll leave her, the moment his street-bitten sneakers hit dark asphalt below, even as he types it back]
i wont
[he hates lying to her, hates lying about absences and paths forward -- but sometimes, I want to hate you, she'd said, and he just doesn't want her to say that to him again. he doesn't hate Dave for lying to him (for saying it'd be fine, for saying they'd be fine); maybe one day she can forgive him for it (although he hasn't forgiven Dave, because he can't blame him, and it's terrifying, to love someone that much)]
[it's too much, right now -- he needs to retreat behind his walls a bit, not from her, but from himself, his own feelings]
[(he hadn't expected this to happen, to care about anyone but Dave, for anyone to care about him; it's an ache he doesn't have much room to accommodate, in a body already hurting)]
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sleep in carols room
all the dead bodies are gone now
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dont worry about it
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anyway i thought you said
hijikata still lives here
i cant sleep in carols room
dont they have to share a bed
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they dont sleep 2gether
r u kidding ?
can u imagine danvers spooning
can u imagine hijikata
next 2 any woman ever on a bed
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hahaha ok in that case ill
take carols room
if she wont mind
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what she minds
shes leaving
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i dont think she could leave you
even if she wanted to
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she wants 2 leave
i dont blame her
i hope she stays gone
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[ she's surious, what with the composition of that text. for her sake or yours? ]
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i dont trust her anyway
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shell be back
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id rather have u
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in the house
not that it matters
i dont need any1 in the house
its just i like u better
than some asshole who
fucks my shit up all the time
n looks at me like a charity case
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if she comes back or doesnt
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i dont wanna
fuck u up either
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it's a strange feeling, the odd chesty battle between concern and inexpressible hilarity ]
you couldnt
[ there's a pause, a stretched beat, because what she wants to say she's not sure she should (it sounds too intimate, too hopeless, but it also doesn't make sense in other terms given everything she means, all the different fears she's covering, all the swallowed-down nuances...) so she bites the bullet, types it out, lets it go ]
just dont leave me
and you couldnt
[ one day he will, she knows. fuck her up, leave her (in one way or another: disgusted or disappeared or hurt, whatever it is that severs them), they're one and the same.
but until that day, she's safe as houses. pristine identical houses with mismatched insides, where damage is regenerated when the clock strikes twelve. ]
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i wont
[he hates lying to her, hates lying about absences and paths forward -- but sometimes, I want to hate you, she'd said, and he just doesn't want her to say that to him again. he doesn't hate Dave for lying to him (for saying it'd be fine, for saying they'd be fine); maybe one day she can forgive him for it (although he hasn't forgiven Dave, because he can't blame him, and it's terrifying, to love someone that much)]
[she probably knows, anyway.]
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[ she's said it before but it bears repeating, she'll say it as many times as she can stand until the moment's passed and it's never happened.
who she's working on convincing she isn't sure.
(a long-winded way of saying goodbye - many little hellos.) ]
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[(he hadn't expected this to happen, to care about anyone but Dave, for anyone to care about him; it's an ache he doesn't have much room to accommodate, in a body already hurting)]
u can stay
ok ?
just dont touch my stuff
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touches it every day
hides it in places
sorry badous stuff
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i mean it
shits private
ill hide ur shitty dresses
ull have 2 wear garbage bags
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what are you hiding badou
is it because youre a growing boy
is it all stashed under the bed
piled high
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