it's a strange feeling, the odd chesty battle between concern and inexpressible hilarity ]
you couldnt
[ there's a pause, a stretched beat, because what she wants to say she's not sure she should (it sounds too intimate, too hopeless, but it also doesn't make sense in other terms given everything she means, all the different fears she's covering, all the swallowed-down nuances...) so she bites the bullet, types it out, lets it go ]
just dont leave me and you couldnt
[ one day he will, she knows. fuck her up, leave her (in one way or another: disgusted or disappeared or hurt, whatever it is that severs them), they're one and the same.
but until that day, she's safe as houses. pristine identical houses with mismatched insides, where damage is regenerated when the clock strikes twelve. ]
[and he knows he'll leave her, the moment his street-bitten sneakers hit dark asphalt below, even as he types it back]
i wont
[he hates lying to her, hates lying about absences and paths forward -- but sometimes, I want to hate you, she'd said, and he just doesn't want her to say that to him again. he doesn't hate Dave for lying to him (for saying it'd be fine, for saying they'd be fine); maybe one day she can forgive him for it (although he hasn't forgiven Dave, because he can't blame him, and it's terrifying, to love someone that much)]
[it's too much, right now -- he needs to retreat behind his walls a bit, not from her, but from himself, his own feelings]
[(he hadn't expected this to happen, to care about anyone but Dave, for anyone to care about him; it's an ache he doesn't have much room to accommodate, in a body already hurting)]
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Re: text
i dont wanna
fuck u up either
Re: text
it's a strange feeling, the odd chesty battle between concern and inexpressible hilarity ]
you couldnt
[ there's a pause, a stretched beat, because what she wants to say she's not sure she should (it sounds too intimate, too hopeless, but it also doesn't make sense in other terms given everything she means, all the different fears she's covering, all the swallowed-down nuances...) so she bites the bullet, types it out, lets it go ]
just dont leave me
and you couldnt
[ one day he will, she knows. fuck her up, leave her (in one way or another: disgusted or disappeared or hurt, whatever it is that severs them), they're one and the same.
but until that day, she's safe as houses. pristine identical houses with mismatched insides, where damage is regenerated when the clock strikes twelve. ]
Re: text
i wont
[he hates lying to her, hates lying about absences and paths forward -- but sometimes, I want to hate you, she'd said, and he just doesn't want her to say that to him again. he doesn't hate Dave for lying to him (for saying it'd be fine, for saying they'd be fine); maybe one day she can forgive him for it (although he hasn't forgiven Dave, because he can't blame him, and it's terrifying, to love someone that much)]
[she probably knows, anyway.]
Re: text
[ she's said it before but it bears repeating, she'll say it as many times as she can stand until the moment's passed and it's never happened.
who she's working on convincing she isn't sure.
(a long-winded way of saying goodbye - many little hellos.) ]
Re: text
[(he hadn't expected this to happen, to care about anyone but Dave, for anyone to care about him; it's an ache he doesn't have much room to accommodate, in a body already hurting)]
u can stay
ok ?
just dont touch my stuff
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touches it every day
hides it in places
sorry badous stuff
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i mean it
shits private
ill hide ur shitty dresses
ull have 2 wear garbage bags
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what are you hiding badou
is it because youre a growing boy
is it all stashed under the bed
piled high
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its not porn !
dont be weird !
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actually im not sure there were enough !s used
to prove or disprove your claim
but its ok i respect your privacy
so i wont investigate
Re: text
yeah right
like i dont know u
ull just be like
OOPS I WAS DUSTING
N I KNOCKED THIS BOX OVER
TEEHEE BETTER CLEAN IT UP
OOPS I LOOKED AT EVERYTHING
Re: text
today badou saw into my soul
ive been rumbled
damn
ps theres a box to knock over???
oh my
Re: text
no
Re: text
ill make sure not to accidentally
bump into
this box that doesnt exist