i dont know i never had to hide before because everyone knew and here nobody knows and i was so excited i thought it would be so much better but im suffocating im a liar
[he wants to tell her; you get used to it, because he doesn't know how she's been able to function without lying and hiding through most of her day, without cringing and gritting her teeth against everything, like he does]
[(maybe it was different when you didn't have to talk, maybe it was easier -- but he doubt it's that. if Nill could sing, she'd sing true things just the same)]
[there is nothing he can say here that makes sense; do you want them to know you? do you want to become a liar? i could teach you how to hide, i could teach you how to lie]
[she's so brave, it should make him feel like shit. sometimes, it does. mostly, he can't believe someone like this -- someone like her -- actually exists]
[it means different things for them, to face what's haunting them head on. it doesn't make it less terrifying (Badou wants guts, Nill wants love -- both such frightening prospects)]
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but im playing the normal girl
isnt that a lie?
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who shitty things happened 2
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i dont know i feel like
they give me a lot
and i give them nothing
i want to trust them
with it
thats the biggest thing i can give them
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aint that fucked up
they know what its like
from both of us
she asked me if i got sold
she could ask u
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i dont want to answer because im asked
i want to give it to her
i want them to know
i appreciate them enough
to do that
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u think ur telling just them but
soon every1 knows n thinks other shit about u
u got no more handle on it
i dont trust her
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she means well but
she hurts a lot too
because she takes in too much
so she needs shoulders to lean on sometimes
i dont think shed share it
where it could hurt me though
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hurts enough by itself
its not her life
n u aint owe her nothing
i told the wrong guy
he never told any1
but i regret it a lot
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decide to tell?
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it was a mistake
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but they wont get it
theyll ask u about it after
when u dont wanna talk about it
theyll act like ur just
another fucked up kid
they think im fucked up
it makes carol n me
fight all the time
it makes sakamoto drink
its not my fault or theirs
but it happens
itll happen w/ u
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i know how to manage it but
im still ruined
anyway they wont know any better
unless i let them know me
and they cant know me
if i dont tell them where i started
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i never had to hide before because
everyone knew
and here nobody knows and
i was so excited
i thought it would be so much better
but im suffocating
im a liar
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[(maybe it was different when you didn't have to talk, maybe it was easier -- but he doubt it's that. if Nill could sing, she'd sing true things just the same)]
[there is nothing he can say here that makes sense; do you want them to know you? do you want to become a liar? i could teach you how to hide, i could teach you how to lie]
i dont think ur ruined
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they aint made the effort to care about
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its that they know
how things are
and sometimes its best
not to ask
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not to tell sometimes
i dont know
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i dont know how long to run away from it
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i know ur brave n shit
n care about living n ppl
but its not gonna go away
[he thinks about Takasugi.]
if u tell some1
it catches up
do u want that ?
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so i dont want to be running
all my life
no
[ but i'm better at knowing safe places than you are ]
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is there
if u dont wanna keep running
or let it catch up
u cant have both
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head on
on my own terms
i dont want it to catch me
when im not ready
but meeting it
that might not be so bad
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[it means different things for them, to face what's haunting them head on. it doesn't make it less terrifying (Badou wants guts, Nill wants love -- both such frightening prospects)]
do u think ur ready
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but in the end i wont know until i try
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