[and those feelings of happy-shocked surprise u-turn in his stomach again; he's not gonna make it through this weekend without thinking about it, it's fucking impossible. these assholes keep finding out and dragging it back to the front of his mind; how weird it is, without him to celebrate with (he's only ever had one person to celebrate with -- was it even a birthday without that person? did it matter, turning older, if no one you cared about was around to see it?)]
[the pause is long, way too long, and eventually all that gets out is a rather strangled grunt, followed by]
L-like you're normal? Gimme a break.
[but it doesn't have half the bite it should; it's almost shaky (pleasepleasedon't)]
[If there was one thing Gau was good at, it was reading the situation without words- Raikou's avoidance of issues at times and false fronts made it necessary to look for any body language or voice inclinations to tell the truth.
He heard that shakiness, and it said enough. His own tone said his concern for him.]
[and the redhead clamps up at that concern, breath shallow, getting worse vocal indigestion than usual]
[fuck]
I -- I --
[jesus, it's like he's got fucking tourettes, with the way those I's shoot out, all sharp and quick and hard]
I -- I just, a-ain't had a good y-year.
[shit, shitshitshit, he hasn't felt like crying this much since those first few hideous weeks after (after), and this is horrendous, this is totally unacceptable, he's in public, he's on the phone with fucking Meguro and he wants to bawl like a stupid kid over birthdays?]
[he digs his fingers right into the brand-new cut below his knee, redirecting his brain from -- everything]
[He didn't think Badou would cry, or come quite close by the sound of it. Or could cry, for that matter. Badou, to him, was defiant to everything, a delinquent and troublemaker for the hell of it.
Him being so emotionally raw was him being human, especially when the words resonated with Gau as well.
Who was he to make fun of that, or to disrespect it in any way?]
I might not have been the same situation but... I do understand. I understand completely.
[Badou knows he is a lot of things; he's a stray dog, he's a loudmouth, he's a bad boy, he's trouble, he's a fuck-up, he's even maybe a little... a little sick, in the head, in his blood]
[but at the end of the day, he's also a thirteen -- fourteen -- year old boy, who just lost his brother (lost his life) to the darkness, and has more sorrow and anger trapped in his ribcage than he usually knows what to fucking do with]
[A few questions and statements run through his mind- What happened, why are you saying this, I'm sorry, but in the end, Gau was one to get to the bottom of the truth and fix things rather than dwell and let them worsen.
[Despite how inclined Gau was to solving problems now, he also wasn't going to keep Badou from working- something which kept him out of trouble and somewhat controlled, as it seemed.
Or so he believed. His voice is still soft, hesitant and questioning, even when he definitively says-]
...I won't, Badou-san.
[But he would ask about it, to someone who already knew and told him about it.]
[The same person who he'd leave the gift- a small cake, decorated with chocolate icing and nothing more- to. Hopefully, it would reach him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[voice]
Re: [voice]
[voice]
Re: [voice]
[voice]
So you don't want this?
Re: [voice]
[voice]
Re: [voice]
Re: [voice]
Re: [voice]
Re: [voice]
[so kiddish]
[he flushes on the other side of the phone, barking quickly after that unguarded question]
Wh-what the fuck!
[voice]
I didn't tell you what it was! It shouldn't be a surprise that you're getting one, even if you don't deserve one!
Re: [voice]
[this is going poorly; he wishes this phone had a cord, so he could strangle himself with it]
Re: [voice]
[HMPH.]
Have you ever had a normal birthday before, Badou-san?
Re: [voice]
[the pause is long, way too long, and eventually all that gets out is a rather strangled grunt, followed by]
L-like you're normal? Gimme a break.
[but it doesn't have half the bite it should; it's almost shaky (pleasepleasedon't)]
[voice]
[If there was one thing Gau was good at, it was reading the situation without words- Raikou's avoidance of issues at times and false fronts made it necessary to look for any body language or voice inclinations to tell the truth.
He heard that shakiness, and it said enough. His own tone said his concern for him.]
Re: [voice]
[fuck]
I -- I --
[jesus, it's like he's got fucking tourettes, with the way those I's shoot out, all sharp and quick and hard]
I -- I just, a-ain't had a good y-year.
[shit, shitshitshit, he hasn't felt like crying this much since those first few hideous weeks after (after), and this is horrendous, this is totally unacceptable, he's in public, he's on the phone with fucking Meguro and he wants to bawl like a stupid kid over birthdays?]
[he digs his fingers right into the brand-new cut below his knee, redirecting his brain from -- everything]
...Y', y'know?
[voice]
[He didn't think Badou would cry, or come quite close by the sound of it. Or could cry, for that matter. Badou, to him, was defiant to everything, a delinquent and troublemaker for the hell of it.
Him being so emotionally raw was him being human, especially when the words resonated with Gau as well.
Who was he to make fun of that, or to disrespect it in any way?]
I might not have been the same situation but... I do understand. I understand completely.
Re: [voice]
[but at the end of the day, he's also a thirteen -- fourteen -- year old boy, who just lost his brother (lost his life) to the darkness, and has more sorrow and anger trapped in his ribcage than he usually knows what to fucking do with]
[the redhead says only, a bit hollowly]
...I had normal birthdays.
[and now, now he doesn't.]
[voice]
He's quiet when he speaks, and unusually so.]
Why has it changed?
Re: [voice]
[he digs his fingers harder against the cut on his knee, feeling scabs rend apart]
I -- I gotta go, my break's over.
[that char's swallowed down to burn in his stomach again; like fuck he's going back to work now, with loss like a fever at his temples]
[it's phrased like a demand, but the belly-up vulnerability in it is obvious]
Fuckin' -- don't tell nobody. 'Bout my birthday. I'll kick your ass, yah?
[voice]
Or so he believed. His voice is still soft, hesitant and questioning, even when he definitively says-]
...I won't, Badou-san.
[But he would ask about it, to someone who already knew and told him about it.]
[The same person who he'd leave the gift- a small cake, decorated with chocolate icing and nothing more- to. Hopefully, it would reach him.
If it would do him any good at this point.]
Re: [voice]