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[ and when she gets them she stops- starts-
it's a strange feeling, the odd chesty battle between concern and inexpressible hilarity ]
you couldnt
[ there's a pause, a stretched beat, because what she wants to say she's not sure she should (it sounds too intimate, too hopeless, but it also doesn't make sense in other terms given everything she means, all the different fears she's covering, all the swallowed-down nuances...) so she bites the bullet, types it out, lets it go ]
just dont leave me
and you couldnt
[ one day he will, she knows. fuck her up, leave her (in one way or another: disgusted or disappeared or hurt, whatever it is that severs them), they're one and the same.
but until that day, she's safe as houses. pristine identical houses with mismatched insides, where damage is regenerated when the clock strikes twelve. ]
it's a strange feeling, the odd chesty battle between concern and inexpressible hilarity ]
you couldnt
[ there's a pause, a stretched beat, because what she wants to say she's not sure she should (it sounds too intimate, too hopeless, but it also doesn't make sense in other terms given everything she means, all the different fears she's covering, all the swallowed-down nuances...) so she bites the bullet, types it out, lets it go ]
just dont leave me
and you couldnt
[ one day he will, she knows. fuck her up, leave her (in one way or another: disgusted or disappeared or hurt, whatever it is that severs them), they're one and the same.
but until that day, she's safe as houses. pristine identical houses with mismatched insides, where damage is regenerated when the clock strikes twelve. ]
Edited 2013-10-06 22:18 (UTC)
[Badou has believed this whole-heartedly his whole life. but then why has getting more knowledge only left him so wrecked, again and again?]
[it's been hard, lately, to keep believing in the things his world was built of]
power is power
knowing stuff
is mostly just a gamble
it doesnt work
if u got shit luck
[it's been hard, lately, to keep believing in the things his world was built of]
power is power
knowing stuff
is mostly just a gamble
it doesnt work
if u got shit luck
[and he knows he'll leave her, the moment his street-bitten sneakers hit dark asphalt below, even as he types it back]
i wont
[he hates lying to her, hates lying about absences and paths forward -- but sometimes, I want to hate you, she'd said, and he just doesn't want her to say that to him again. he doesn't hate Dave for lying to him (for saying it'd be fine, for saying they'd be fine); maybe one day she can forgive him for it (although he hasn't forgiven Dave, because he can't blame him, and it's terrifying, to love someone that much)]
[she probably knows, anyway.]
i wont
[he hates lying to her, hates lying about absences and paths forward -- but sometimes, I want to hate you, she'd said, and he just doesn't want her to say that to him again. he doesn't hate Dave for lying to him (for saying it'd be fine, for saying they'd be fine); maybe one day she can forgive him for it (although he hasn't forgiven Dave, because he can't blame him, and it's terrifying, to love someone that much)]
[she probably knows, anyway.]
im glad i met you
[ she's said it before but it bears repeating, she'll say it as many times as she can stand until the moment's passed and it's never happened.
who she's working on convincing she isn't sure.
(a long-winded way of saying goodbye - many little hellos.) ]
[ she's said it before but it bears repeating, she'll say it as many times as she can stand until the moment's passed and it's never happened.
who she's working on convincing she isn't sure.
(a long-winded way of saying goodbye - many little hellos.) ]
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