[and suddenly, powerfully, he wants to tell her he's maybe sick in the head; he wants to tell her about the monsters, about That Night. he doesn't, of course]
[(but she never asked why he made Sakamoto bleed, did she)]
well i hate a lot of things i hate that i cant talk to the people i love or tell them its ok or complain about the cold or sing and that's stupid and i dont mind it but i do hate it because its not my fault i hate that whenever i wasnt property i was running i hate that somebody told me i was nothing and i listened i hate it took me 14 years to find a place to be i hate that its gone now i hate that i hate it when people try to hold me
but i stubbornly love me
and you stubbornly refuse to like you or give yourself a chance youre not even your top priority i dont really understand
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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i just dont usually
i like sakamoto a lot
but i broke his face n ribs
n then he got real drunk 1 night
b/c of some shit i did i think
so i guess i chew fine
but maybe 2 much
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to come and find you ?
i think its ok
for people to hurt themselves for you sometimes
if they care a lot
well maybe not ok
but it happens
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hes a idiot n i aint sorry
its just
i dont know
it all seems easy 4 them
it seems easy 4 u too
even tho u cant even fucking talk
and i dont get that either
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its not easy
not really
i am scared all the time
somewhere
but i also spent so long being scared
and staying away
and its lonely
and i dont deserve that
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u dont
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ur brave
n u dont hate as much
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im just stubborn
in the complete opposite way to you
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[(but she never asked why he made Sakamoto bleed, did she)]
u think
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i hate a lot of things
i hate that i cant talk to the people i love
or tell them its ok
or complain about the cold
or sing
and that's stupid and i dont mind it but i do hate it
because its not my fault
i hate that whenever i wasnt property
i was running
i hate that somebody told me i was nothing
and i listened
i hate it took me 14 years to find a place to be
i hate that its gone now
i hate that i hate it when people try to hold me
but i stubbornly love me
and you stubbornly refuse to like you
or give yourself a chance
youre not even your top priority
i dont really understand
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in the Below
thats my top priority
it aint about me
i was never the good 1
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it isn't fair that she knows what she knows
it isn't fair that he doesn't ]
who
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[but it's the only thing that matters, to him]
ill find him
n ill burn the rest of them
those fuckers who took ur voice
n put him down there
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[ she usually hates apologies (when it comes to the Big Things)
they mean nothing, and not saying them is one of the key times shes actively glad she can't speak
except this time, it really means everything ]
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theyll be
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she doesn't know how
she wouldn't be grateful if he fucked himself further for her sake - or for the sake of anyone else (thank you is out of the question)
it's not her place to tell him what he should or shouldn't do (please dont falls off the table)
she can't tell him that she knows they never will, at least not at the hands of Badou Nails (you dont burn a thing is crushed heavily underfoot)
she doesn't know how
so she doesn't ]
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