[ Badou arrives and Nill crumples and strengthens at once. she's not sure exactly when she came to expect him as much as she does (to know he's around, that he's there, that he'll be there at times exactly like now) but the heap of limbs that lands beside her is like a spine, something to shape herself around, to bend and re-gather.
but it's also a reminder. suddenly, she's in too deep. suddenly heine's here and it's not a heine she can ask to keep quiet. it's not a heine who can or will lie for her. it's a heine from before her time.
she misses him. she misses him, him and everyone, misses them terribly and suddenly he's here - but he isn't, not really. that boy isn't the man she knows. and part of her is afraid to meet him, afraid to know what came before. but just as great is the fear that badou, the piece of home that was most alien there but has come to mean Home in a place that's alien, will find out that he's before her time too.
she's never considered this happening. she should've done. if badou can be younger, why not anyone else? and now there's just a mess and she's the only one who can see just how much, stood holding all the strings with no idea how to do anything but tie them in knots.
exhausted already, thoughts a whirlwind mess (there's nobody who can help me with this, nowhere to turn with this), Nill leans gently to the side, letting gravity tip her to bump against Badou's shoulder. hopes that's okay, because she just needs to know she's not going to drown. ]
Re: action;
but it's also a reminder. suddenly, she's in too deep. suddenly heine's here and it's not a heine she can ask to keep quiet. it's not a heine who can or will lie for her. it's a heine from before her time.
she misses him. she misses him, him and everyone, misses them terribly and suddenly he's here - but he isn't, not really. that boy isn't the man she knows. and part of her is afraid to meet him, afraid to know what came before. but just as great is the fear that badou, the piece of home that was most alien there but has come to mean Home in a place that's alien, will find out that he's before her time too.
she's never considered this happening. she should've done. if badou can be younger, why not anyone else? and now there's just a mess and she's the only one who can see just how much, stood holding all the strings with no idea how to do anything but tie them in knots.
exhausted already, thoughts a whirlwind mess (there's nobody who can help me with this, nowhere to turn with this), Nill leans gently to the side, letting gravity tip her to bump against Badou's shoulder. hopes that's okay, because she just needs to know she's not going to drown. ]