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i know
but they wont get it
theyll ask u about it after
when u dont wanna talk about it
theyll act like ur just
another fucked up kid
they think im fucked up
it makes carol n me
fight all the time
it makes sakamoto drink
its not my fault or theirs
but it happens
itll happen w/ u
but they wont get it
theyll ask u about it after
when u dont wanna talk about it
theyll act like ur just
another fucked up kid
they think im fucked up
it makes carol n me
fight all the time
it makes sakamoto drink
its not my fault or theirs
but it happens
itll happen w/ u
[she's so brave, it should make him feel like shit. sometimes, it does. mostly, he can't believe someone like this -- someone like her -- actually exists]
[it means different things for them, to face what's haunting them head on. it doesn't make it less terrifying (Badou wants guts, Nill wants love -- both such frightening prospects)]
do u think ur ready
[it means different things for them, to face what's haunting them head on. it doesn't make it less terrifying (Badou wants guts, Nill wants love -- both such frightening prospects)]
do u think ur ready
[he wants to tell her; you get used to it, because he doesn't know how she's been able to function without lying and hiding through most of her day, without cringing and gritting her teeth against everything, like he does]
[(maybe it was different when you didn't have to talk, maybe it was easier -- but he doubt it's that. if Nill could sing, she'd sing true things just the same)]
[there is nothing he can say here that makes sense; do you want them to know you? do you want to become a liar? i could teach you how to hide, i could teach you how to lie]
i dont think ur ruined
[(maybe it was different when you didn't have to talk, maybe it was easier -- but he doubt it's that. if Nill could sing, she'd sing true things just the same)]
[there is nothing he can say here that makes sense; do you want them to know you? do you want to become a liar? i could teach you how to hide, i could teach you how to lie]
i dont think ur ruined
Edited 2013-09-15 02:58 (UTC)
[ a dry sob, clenching, characteristically quiet and quickly restrained.
he knows more of her than anyone here, and he doesn't think she's ruined. it's good. it means the world, and it's good. just like it's good that nobody knows her skin crawls when she walks past an alleyway, that she keeps her nails trimmed short to avoid finding seeping red crescent-moons on her skin after a night of bad dreams.
it's good, but it's horrid.
her best friend doesn't know her, and she doesn't want him to ]
sorry
[ i'm not brave enough to let you see the rest of me ]
he knows more of her than anyone here, and he doesn't think she's ruined. it's good. it means the world, and it's good. just like it's good that nobody knows her skin crawls when she walks past an alleyway, that she keeps her nails trimmed short to avoid finding seeping red crescent-moons on her skin after a night of bad dreams.
it's good, but it's horrid.
her best friend doesn't know her, and she doesn't want him to ]
sorry
[ i'm not brave enough to let you see the rest of me ]
[she's apologising for what he doesn't know, he assumes; that's fine, even for the kid brother of a journalist. it's just fine (every time he'd learned something about someone on the street, he'd regretted it)]
[but it's different with her, and it's not that he doesn't he want to know her (where those bruises on her neck came from, where the bruises on her smile came from). it's, somehow and bizarrely, nothing to do with prying; she'll tell him when she's ready to face it head on. or never at all, and either is just fucking fine]
whatever
i just like
being w/ u
[it's the barest of bones, it's clumsy and stupid, and it's not what Dave would have said; still, it's what he has (all he has) to tell her he cares. cares more than he ever expected to, more than he has before for someone without red hair and a cocky hell or high water grin (it had ended up being hell; the drowning is taking a long time)]
u can lie 2 me
if u want
i dont mind
[but it's different with her, and it's not that he doesn't he want to know her (where those bruises on her neck came from, where the bruises on her smile came from). it's, somehow and bizarrely, nothing to do with prying; she'll tell him when she's ready to face it head on. or never at all, and either is just fucking fine]
whatever
i just like
being w/ u
[it's the barest of bones, it's clumsy and stupid, and it's not what Dave would have said; still, it's what he has (all he has) to tell her he cares. cares more than he ever expected to, more than he has before for someone without red hair and a cocky hell or high water grin (it had ended up being hell; the drowning is taking a long time)]
u can lie 2 me
if u want
i dont mind
[ u can lie 2 me
if u want
i dont mind
the weight that lifts is one she didn't even know she was carrying, because she already has lied to him, and permission— permission frees her. a little bit of unrelated tension falls from her shoulders.
whatever
i just like
being w/ u
registers second, and calms her down. all of her or not, he'll wait. he knows enough. ]
im okay
[ an acknowledgement of his offer (neither of them are okay) and a denial of it (but i'm not planning to)
she's grateful ]
if u want
i dont mind
the weight that lifts is one she didn't even know she was carrying, because she already has lied to him, and permission— permission frees her. a little bit of unrelated tension falls from her shoulders.
whatever
i just like
being w/ u
registers second, and calms her down. all of her or not, he'll wait. he knows enough. ]
im okay
[ an acknowledgement of his offer (neither of them are okay) and a denial of it (but i'm not planning to)
she's grateful ]
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